


autumn leaves

by brooklyn99



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy Is Here But Not Really Here, Depressed Jake Peralta, Depression, F/M, Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta Friendship, Heavy Angst, Hurt Jake Peralta, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Rape Recovery, Ray Holt Acting as Jake Peralta's Parental Figure, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24031831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooklyn99/pseuds/brooklyn99
Summary: Jake never thought that he would ever be in this position. But here he was, scared out his mind and crying in an empty alleyway in the middle of Brooklyn.[set in season one, jimmy brogan episode]
Relationships: Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta, Kevin Cozner/Ray Holt, Ray Holt & Jake Peralta
Comments: 43
Kudos: 414





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> tw: implied rape/non-con

Jake numbly walks to his apartment, not caring about the stares he was getting from strangers as they caught a glimpse of his face in the dark night. He didn’t even care about the fact that he was limping and needed medical attention. He didn’t care because he just really needed to be home, he needed to feel safe. He was a 33-year-old cop, a 33-year-old man who couldn’t protect himself. His body felt like it was on autopilot and before he even knew it, he was in his apartment and in his bathtub taking a hot bath. All the alcohol was drained from his system, he hasn’t felt this sober before. 

He doesn’t realize how much time has passed by, but eventually there were tears rolling down his face. It wasn’t ugly crying or any sobs coming out of his mouth, just painful and silent tears. Jake wonders what would happen if he screamed for help, would anyone come to help him? Why would anyone come to help him, wasn’t he supposed to be the one protecting people? He was supposed to be strong for others but he so easily let Jimmy Brogan take advantage of him. 

Jake really thought that the endless drinks were just innocent, something that Brogan wanted him to experience as a young cop. How could he miss so many red flags? Was he supposed to even notice the red flags? Why was this so embarrassing for him? If he told someone, who would believe him? Jake wipes away his tears and concludes the fact that he can’t tell anyone. He can’t file a report. No one would believe him. People have such a hard time believing women, who in the world was going to believe him. 

He slowly dries himself and changes all of his clothes. He wants to burn the clothes and shoes he was wearing earlier that night. Maybe he should borrow some equipment from Rosa and actually burn the clothes. Jake makes his way to his bedroom and lets himself fall down onto the bed, not really knowing when he fell asleep. 

//

Jake doesn’t get up because of his alarm but rather the constant ringing on his doorbell. He glances at the clock and realizes that it was already 8:30 in the morning, he was going to be epically late to work today. Without thinking much he makes his way over to the door and opens it. He’s wide awake when he realizes who it is. “Why are you here?” Jake asks, moving back a little. 

Brogan offers Jake a small smile, “Just wanted to let you know that I’ll be drafting the article today.” He glances at the younger boy, “And wanted to thank you for giving me an amazing time last night.”

Jake visibly freezes, “What?” He slowly looks up, a small amount of anger taking over his body, “You got me drunk and took advantage of me!”

“Well you never said no!” Brogan protests, “You should’ve said no if you didn’t want it.”

“I tried pushing you off but… but you kept going,” Jake blinks back tears, trying his best to make it seem like he wasn’t on the verge of breaking down. “What you did to me wasn’t okay, I’m not okay with it.”

“What are you gonna do about it, huh?” Brogan scoffs, “I'm about to write an article that might just decide your precinct’s future and you think you’re the one who has power in this situation?” Jake feels his legs getting weak, why does everything feel so bad right now? When Jake doesn’t reply, Brogan continues, “Let me know the way you want to go, Peralta.”

Jake swallows back his tears before answering, “I won’t file a report, or tell anyone about what happened last night just please… please don’t write anything that’ll harm the precinct.”

Brogan smirks and purposely pats Jake’s shoulder despite the younger boy pulling away from him. “You got it, bud,” With one last scoff Brogan turns around and leaves Jake to crumble to the floor behind him. 

  
Jake doesn’t make it to work at all, calls in and lets them know that he’s too sick to come into work. He gets a text from Sarge half way through the day that states, “proud of you for taking a day off :)” and Jake wants to do nothing more than just throw his phone at the wall. Because Terry thinks that Jake is finally getting himself together, probably even taking care of himself but the exact opposite was happening. He has even less motivation to take care of his body anymore. He shouldn’t take care of himself anymore, not after he let himself be used so easily. 

By the end of the day, Jake convinces himself that it was his fault. Everything that happened with Jimmy Brogan was his fault and he should just let it go and move on. He needs to get himself to work tomorrow and cover up the bruises and the limp. He needs to never think about it again. 

//

When he’s back at work, Jake realizes how hard it is to actually forget about everything that happened to him. Amy kept asking about his night with Jimmy Brogan and Charles wouldn’t stop asking either because he was jealous. Even as the days passed by, it wouldn’t stop being brought up. Especially after Captain Holt decided to bring up the fact that Brogan actually wrote really positive things in his article. 

Jake finds himself losing concentration easily these past few days. Finds himself faking a laugh at jokes Charles makes and comments Terry throws at him about his health. He wants to do more paperwork than out on the field because if he was being honest he just couldn’t handle being out on the field. Terry notices after a week of faked laughs and not even leaving his desk, Terry confronts him. 

As the briefing ends, Jake mindlessly listens to Charles talk about the date he had been on last night before Terry calls him over. “Peralta, stay back for a quick moment,” Terry days, waving Jake over. 

Jake turns around and nods before letting Charles know that he’ll be out with him in a quick second. “Yeah, Sarge?” Jake asks as he jogs towards the older man. 

Terry thinks for a moment before speaking, “Are you okay? You seem a little out of it recently.”

“Yeah I’m good,” Jake lies, “Just need some time off, gonna stick to some good old paperwork for now.”

“Are you sure nothing happened? Because the Jake I know would never want to just stick to paperwork. If something is going on, you can talk about it with me or even Holt,” Terry offers with a sympathetic smile. 

Jake nods and offers Terry a tight smile, “Thanks, Sarge.”

Terry returns the smile and pats Jake’s arm before walking out of the briefing room. He doesn’t miss the way Jake flinches when Terry pats him. 

  
“What did Sarge say?” Charles questions, walking up to Jake’s desk. “Are you finally gonna work on another real case?”

Jake rolls his eyes before spinning his chair so he could make eye contact with Charles, “Boyle, I just told him that I wanted more paperwork, I’m not feeling a real case right now.”

“But you love going out in the field and stakeouts,” Charles comments, a frown displayed on his face. “Hey, how about you join me on my stakeout with Rosa, I’m sure she won’t mind.”

“It’s really fine, if I wanted to be on a stakeout right now then I would be,” Jake replies, “Seriously Charles, just take my word on it.”

“I agree with Charles,” Amy chimes, “It’s very unlike you to not want to be on the field or doing something ‘fun.’”

Jake groans, “Why can’t you just leave me alone? I’ll work a case when I feel like it, okay? And stop eavesdropping on our conversations, Amy.”

Any puts her hands up on defense, “Just checking in on you, dude.”

“Well stop, because I really don’t need it and all you’re doing is making me really annoyed,” Jake says before turning back to his paperwork. He could feel Terry and Gina’s eyes on him but chooses to ignore them because his plan was to ignore the problem for as long as he could. 

  
Later that day, Jake finds himself starting out the window. The bruises were fading but he still felt Brogan’s hands all over him. He wants the feeling to go away because it’ll be easier for him to forget when he isn’t constantly feeling the rough touches. Jake hates how he’s become so alert everything scares him, even the lightest tap from Gina or Terry makes him scared, gives him flashbacks of that night. He wants to feel better, he wants to feel normal again. 

A knock on his door snaps him out of his thoughts. He sighs and before slowly making his way towards the door, making sure to look at the peephole before opening it. “Gina,” Jake greets, moving out of the doorway to invite her in.

Gina offers Jake her classic smile and pulls out a bottle of wine before walking into the apartment. “Though you might need a drink, so I brought some of the bestest and cheapest wine!” 

“Very considerate of you but I’m not sure I want to drink tonight,” Jake says, offering Gina a tight smile. 

“What? Why?” Gina asks, “I brought your favorite snacks as well bitch. Do you know how embarrassing it is to be the Gina Linetti and buy gummy worms and potato chips?!”

Jake sighs, “I really appreciate the fact that you did this for me but…”

“But…?”

“Ugh fine,” Jake caves in, maybe drinking with Gina tonight wouldn’t be a bad idea. He trusts Gina, Gina is safe. She would never hurt him, it’s the only person he knows would never hurt him. So before he even knew it, both of them had finished the bottle of wine and were on his floor.

“What’s up, girl?” Gina says from her spot on the floor. 

Jake groans and sits up, “What do you mean?”

“You don’t seem very good,” Gina explains, “Depressed and jumpy.”

He goes silent, not really knowing what to say. Before he could stop himself he blurts out the truth to Gina, “I was raped.”

Gina freezes but quickly recovers, “When? Who?”

“The night I went out for drinks with Jimmy Brogan,” Jake says, clenching his fists. “He got me drunk to the point where I didn’t even know where I was and then he just…”

Gina lets the two of them sit in silence for a few moments before speaking up, “Why didn’t you file a report? Get a rape kit done?”  
  
“He said if I did he was going to write some really bad things about the precinct,” Jake explains. “I couldn’t let that happen, especially knowing how much it means to Captain Holt. I didn’t want my stupid mistakes to take down the precinct.”

“Jake, it wasn’t your fault or mistake. Jimmy Brogan was the one who took advantage of you while you were drunk out of your mind,” Gina says. “We’re going to go to the hospital first thing tomorrow morning.”

Jake shoots her a confused look, “For what?”

“To give you a STD test done, stupid,” Gina says, rolling her eyes. “What if that old creep gave you something?”

“That’s smart,” Jake says, closing his eyes. “You shouldn’t go home alone so drunk, stay the night. I’ll take the couch.”

Gina nods before sighing, “Can I give you a hug?”

Jake thinks for a moment before answering, “Yeah.” He melts into Gina’s embrace as soon as she pulls him into a hug and just for a moment, he feels like everything is going to be okay. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your comments on the last chapter encouraged me to continue writing so much! thank you 🥺

Jake looks around to make sure that everyone was busy at their desks before quietly making his way over to Gina’s desk and sitting down on the chair that was placed there. “The test results came back,” Jake informs, voice in a soft and hushed tone. “They’re all negative,” He says with a soft sigh letting his shoulder sag. 

“That’s great,” Gina says, leaning closer to Jake. “Have you set up an appointment with any of the therapists I recommended?” 

Jake shakes his head, “I haven’t gotten the time.” If he was being honest, he had picked up the phone many times to set up an appointment with a therapist but every time he did he chickened out. He was scared of being judged, scared even if it was just a therapist that’s still one more person that would know about it. 

“If you don’t make the time for it, I’ll do it for you, loser,” Gina says leaning back in her chair. 

“Do what for Peralta?” Holt asks, out of nowhere. 

Holt’s sudden appearance makes Jake flinch, “Oh my God, Captain, give up a warning next time.”

Gina offers Holt an awkward smile, “We were just talking about how Jake needs to clean up the pile of junk on his desk.”

“Ah,” Holt says with a soft nod, “I agree, Peralta, now that you’re doing more desk work I think that it’s become even more important to clean up your desk. It’s important to have a clean workplace.”

Jake awkwardly nods, “Will make sure to clean it up in no time!” He gets up, “I think it’s time for me to get back to work.” 

  
He finds himself staring at his phone again, hoping that he would suddenly gain the courage to call a therapist and set up an appointment. Jake knows that he needs to, that it was the next right step to do. He had spent most of his nights researching how to recover from what had happened to him. Opening up to someone, specifically a therapist, was the first thing on the list followed by going out with friends and doing things that once brought you joy. 

After a few moments pass, Jake finally dials in one of the numbers that Gina had written down on a paper for him (she even texted him the number just in case he lost the paper). On the second ring a woman picks up, “Dr. Kim’s office, how may I help you?”

Jake clears his throat before speaking, “Hi, I wanted to set up an appointment to meet with Dr. Kim. This is my first time ever…”

“That’s alright, but right now we only have one spot on, Monday afternoons at 6:30pm.” 

“That’s alright,” Jake quickly says, “It’ll work for me.”

“Great! Can I have your name and date of birth?”

“Jacob Peralta and June 3rd, 1981.” 

“Alright, the appointment has been scheduled. You’ll just have to fill out a few forms before your appointment.”

“Sounds good, thank you.”

“No problem, sir.”

After the call ends, Jake puts down his phone with a shaky breath. This was okay. He was going to be okay. But was he really? As positive as he tries to be, everything was changing so quickly. Things he enjoyed slowly became the same things he was too scared to do. He wants to go out on stakeouts but ten different “what if’s” kept running through his mind. Why was he thinking about everything so much? 

Jake sighs and hugs his knees, he just wants to be the same old Jake. 

//

When Captain Holt calls Jake into his office, Jake knows exactly what it’s going to be about. It’s been three weeks since the last time he was out on the field and at this point the whole squad was confused about why Jake refused to do anything that made him get out of his comfort zone. Charles did everything he could to get Jake out on a stakeout but nothing worked and slowly Jake turned down the drinks he was invited to. 

Jake internally groans and puts down his pen before following Captain Holt into his office. “Make sure to close the door behind you, Peralta,” Holt says before sitting down in his chair. 

Jake nods and closes the door before sitting down as well, “Yes, Captain?”

“Now, I’ll be straightforward with you, what has been going on with you?” Captain Holt asks.

“Nothing at all,” Jake says, offering Holt a tight smile. “I’ve been vibing, you know? Doing my paperwork, living life.”

“Why the sudden need to do paperwork? From what I’ve gathered, you love going out on the field and solving ‘impossible’ cases.” 

Jake sighs and thinks before speaking, “I just haven’t been feeling my best. I thought that maybe if I took a few weeks off from field work, I would feel better.”

“Oh. Is this perhaps another… slump?” 

Jake sighs, not really knowing what to say because what even was he supposed to say? 

“I feel like I’ve made you uncomfortable,” Holt says, finally breaking the awkward silence. “I just wanted to let you know that if you ever wanted to talk to someone, my door is open, metaphorically.”

“Thanks, Captain,” Jake says, hoping that he would just get out of there as soon as possible. But something didn’t sit well with him, maybe it was the fact that he keeps remembering what the article he read told him, open up to your family and friends. He takes a deep breath before speaking, “There was something I wanted to tell, about why I haven’t been feeling my best.”

“Yes?”

“When I went out for drinks with Jimmy Brogan… um, he got me so drunk that I had no clue what was going on,” Jake says, blinking back tears, “And he just took advantage of me.”

After a few moments of silence, Holt speaks up, “I'm sorry for what happened to you, why didn’t you come to me sooner? What about a police complaint?” 

“He said he would write really bad things about the precinct if I told anyone. And I don’t think I could handle what would’ve happened after I filed a police report, ” Jake explains. “Gina is the only other person that knows and I’ve been trying to feel better but it’s just been really hard, you know?”

Captain Holt nods, “I really hope that you would’ve filed a police report against him but I respect your decision. Our department’s therapists are willing to meet, even if they’re for personal matters.”

  
“No thanks, I already have an appointment with someone that Gina recommended,” Jake says, “I… didn’t know how to tell you but I read in an article that it’s good to open up to your friends and family. You’ve been more of a father figure these past few months than my own father has been my whole life. So, I just thought that it was important to tell you.”

“I appreciate you trusting me enough to tell me something so personal to you, Jake,” Holt pauses, “The whole squad has come to express their concern about your health… your mental health. I’m not implying that you have to tell them what happened right now, or tell them at all for that matter but just let them know how you’re doing.”

Jake offers Holt a tight smile, “I’ll try to talk about it, let them know that I’m doing okay. But I should get going now, if I stay in here for too long Santiago will start lip reading through the small crack in your blinds.”

“Very well,” Holt says, leaning back in his chair. “I care about you, Peralta… as a son.”

“Thanks, Captain,” Jake says before making his way to his desk. In a weird way the conversation with Holt made him feel comforted but at the same time it made him feel weak. For the first time in his life he opened up to someone who wasn’t Gina. It felt weird that Captain Holt knew so much about him at this point, his daddy issues, his trust issues and now this. 

Jake sighs and goes back to filling out some old case files onto the virtual database but is soon interrupted by Terry. He flinches but quickly covers it up by fake coughing before turning his chair to face Terry, “Hello Sarge, how can I help you today?” 

“I’ve got a murder case that I think you might like,” Sarge says, a small smile displaced on his face, “It’s the type of case that you’ll love and the first murder we’ve had in months. You and I should work on it, for old time’s sake.”

Jake sighs and glances at Captain Holt’s office before offering Terry a smile and nodding, “Yeah, that’s great.” 

“Really?” Terry says, shock evident in his voice, “I thought you were gonna decline like you’ve been declining Charles’s cases everyday for the past three weeks.”

“Captain Holt gave me a very needed talk?” Jake offers. Terry laughs and places his hand on Jake’s shoulder, not even noticing the way Jake’s whole body froze as soon as Terry touched him. 

“Come over for dinner tonight,” Terry offers, “Sharon and the kids keep asking me why Uncle Jake hasn't been around.”

“Uhhh,” Jake says, mind going blank. “I actually have something today, how does Friday sound?”

Terry nods, “All set,” Before walking back to his desk. 

Jake sighs and turns back to his desk, feeling a little proud of himself for letting himself accept Terry’s comfort. But Terry’s hand on his shoulder reminds him too much of Jimmy Brogan and suddenly everything he felt was pain. He blinked back tears and pinches his thigh, trying to remind himself that he was safe and surrounded by people that actually care about him. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys so much for the comments, they really make my day ❤️

“You don’t need to be scared, this is a safe place,” Dr. Kim says, noticing how Jake wouldn’t stop tapping his leg and looking around the room, “Everything you say here, will stay here.”

Jake nods and stops glancing around his room, instead staring down at his hands, “Sorry, I’m just a little nervous, I guess.”   
  
Dr. Kim offers him a soft smile, “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. Should we get started now?” Jake nods and Dr. Kim continues, “Do you want to start by telling me how you felt that night?”

Jake nods again and takes a deep breath before speaking. 

  
  
  
  


He slowly walks back to his apartment, not really knowing how he felt. He was tired? Maybe that was it, maybe he was just really tired. Talking to Dr. Kim about everything that happened to him, in detail, really drained the last bit of energy he had in him. It was supposed to make him feel better but if anything, Jake just feels worse. Are you supposed to feel this horrible after visiting a therapist? 

Jake realizes that he really misses his mom, like really misses his mom. He just wants to cry in her arms, have her tell him how much she loves him and how everything was going to be okay. Because he could trust his mom, right? His mother would never do anything that would hurt him, his mother always wants what’s the best for him so she would never want to harm him. Jake doesn’t think twice before dialing his mother’s number and waiting for her to pick up. When she does, Jake can’t hold back tears, “Hi, Mom.”

“Hi, honey,” As always, Karen’s voice was sweet as honey. Instantly it made Jake feel ten times better, made him feel safer. “You haven’t called me in so long, I honestly thought I was dreaming.”

Jake laughs through tears as he continues walking to his apartment, “So funny.”

Karen chuckles before speaking again, “How are you, sweetheart? How is the police work?” 

“Are you home?” Jake asks, ignoring his mother’s question, “I wanna come visit you.”

“Right now? It’s almost eight, honey, what time are you even going to get back to your apartment?”

“Can you come over then?” Jake asks, tears running down his face, “Mom, please, I don’t feel good.”

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes,” Karen says, “I love you, honey, please take care.”

“Love you too,” Jake says before cutting the call and placing his phone in his pocket. He opens the door to his apartment and sits down on his couch, tears blurring up his vision. He doesn’t try to stop the tears, doesn’t try to wipe them away, just lets himself cry for once and before he even knew it his mother was knocking on his door. It takes Jake all of his willpower to get up and open the door for his own mother. 

When Karen sees Jake’s face, she feels weak to her knees and feels her heart break because what mother would ever want to see their child in pain. “Oh no, what happened, honey?” She asks, stepping inside and pulling Jake into a hug, “Who hurt my baby?”

Jake melts into the hug, not caring if his tears wet his mother’s shoulder, “I missed you so much, Mom.” He pulls away and closes the door behind them and leads her to the couch, “Sorry, I didn’t really clean up before you came.”

Karen sits down on the couch and pulls Jake to sit next to her, “It’s alright, now do you want to tell me why you’re crying?”

“I just missed you,” Jake offers, as Karen holds his hand, “Really missed you.”

“Did something happen at work? I thought we talked about you can’t save everyone, Jake.”   


“Nothing happened at work.”

“Then why doesn’t my baby boy feel good, huh? You really scared me over the phone.”

“I just…” Jake sighs and trails off. “Something really bad happened.”

Karen squeezes Jake’s hand and nods, prompting the boy to go on. 

“Do you know Jimmy Brogan? The guy I was obsessed with since like forever?”

“Yeah, you love his novels.”

“A few weeks ago, he came to the precinct and…” Jake trails off, not knowing how to put it. He didn’t want to give his own mother details, especially not right after his talk with Dr. Kim. “Um, he took me out for drinks and… just, he just raped me.”

Karen freezes, “What? Have you told anyone else? What about a police report?”   


“Only you, Captain Holt and Gina know,” Jake answers, sniffling. “I didn’t want to worry you, it's just that I felt really bad today and just wanted a hug from you.”

“Oh, Jake,” Karen says, pulling the boy into a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I feel so guilty for letting you suffer alone for so long.”

Jake takes a shaky breath, “I was ashamed, embarrassed? I didn’t want anyone to know but eventually ended up telling Captain Holt and Gina.” 

Karen nods and rubs Jake’s back, “That’s okay.”

“Today, it was my first therapist appointment,” Jake starts, “And I finally told someone about  _ everything _ that happened to me that night and I just felt so weak afterwards.”

“You’re not weak at all, sweetheart, it takes a lot of courage for people to talk about what’s happened to them and the fact that you did makes you the strongest person in the whole world.”

Jake nods in his mother’s arms before pulling back, “Do you want me to drop you home? You have work tomorrow.”

“I’m going to call in, staying with my son is more important,” Karen answers, offering Jake a soft smile. “And don’t try to change the topic so fast, mister, we have a long night of talking to do.”

Jake knew that his mother was trying to lighten the mood but he couldn’t help but feel scared.

//

  
Jake soon realizes that going back to doing more field work was actually the only thing at work that made him feel better. Maybe it was because he had already enjoyed it so much but Jimmy Brogan snatched all the motivation that Jake had? He doesn’t know what exactly it is but once he gets his head into the game it’s like nothing else even matters anymore and Jake feels like that’s exactly what he needs right now to forget about what happened to him. 

“Jake?” Terry’s voice snaps Jake out of his thoughts, “How is the interrogation going?”

“Um, well, I haven’t started yet but I think you should go first,” Jake offers with a nervous smile, he really hopes Terry won’t make him go into that small room. “I just don't really feel like he’s my type of guy, you know?”

Terry shoots him a confused look, “But he’s a murderer, that’s exactly your type of guy.”

Jake gives Terry his best puppy eyes, “Sarge, please!”

“Fine,” Terry huffs, “But that's only because I really want us to have something to celebrate at the dinner tonight?” 

“Sounds good,” Jake says as Terry walks away before turning his computer. Amy gives Jake a look and he chooses to confront her about it, “What's that look about?”

“I don’t know, you’ve just been acting really weird this past month,” Amy says with a shrug, “Is it because of that Jimmy Brogan guy? Did he say something dumb that’s making you act all weird?”   
  
Jake freezes but quickly laughs it off, “What? No, of course not!”   
  
Amy squints at him, “See! You’re acting weird right now.”   


Before Jake had the chance to reply back Rosa kicked his desk, “Get up, loser, we’re going out.”   


“Right now?” Jakes asks, glancing at the clock. 

“Yes, right now,” Rosa says, “We need to talk.”

Jake sighs and gets up, grabbing his jacket, “You’re not gonna kill me, right?”   


Rosa rolls her eyes as the two walk to the elevator, “You aren't funny, Peralta.”   


Jake decides to stop himself before he makes another dumb comment and mindlessly follows Rosa outside and to one of the food carts. He watches as Rosa orders two coffees before deciding to sit on the bench. He would be lying if he said that he wasn't nervous right now because what in the world could Rosa possibly want to talk about? 

“Here,” Rosa says, handing him the cup of coffee before sitting down next to him. 

“Thanks,” Jake says before taking a sip out of the cup. “So, what’d you wanna talk about?”   
  
“What did Jimmy Brogan say to you?” Rosa asks.

“What are you talking about?”   
  
“You’ve been all weird since you went out for drinks with Jimmy Brogan, and even took a day off afterwards which, by the way, you never do. So what happened that night?”

“Nothing.”   
  
“You’re gonna have to do two thousand push ups then.”   


“What?”   
  
Rosa sighs, “Because you’re not trusting me enough to tell me what happened that night.

“I,” Jake begins, “He got me drunk and…” 

“And?” 

“Took advantage of me.”   


Rosa freezes, “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Jake says, staring down at the concrete. “Not a lot of people know, I was gonna tell the squad one by one, when I was ready and shit.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what? You didn’t even do anything.”   


“I pressured you into telling me something you might have not been ready for,” Rosa explains.

Jake shakes his head, “It’s fine, I was going to tell you anyway.”

“Are you okay?” As dumb as the questions sounds, Rosa wouldn’t help but ask it. She needed to know if Jake was okay, at least for the moment.

“I guess?” Jake answers, “I mean I’ve been trying to feel better, even went to see a therapist, and you know how much therapists scare me. And I even told my Mom and shit, you know?”

“That’s good,” Rosa coughs, “Listen, you know that I’m not good with this emotional shit but I just want you to know that you can  _ always _ talk to me, okay?”

“Yes ma’am,” Jake says, offering Rosa a soft smile. 

  
  
  
  


Dinner with Terry was good, like really good. Jake finally understands why people say that kids are some of the best things that happen to humankind because being around Terry’s kids really made him forget about everything for a good two hours. But then it was their bedtime and it was only Terry and Jake in the living room. 

“You know what, Jake?” Terry starts off, “I’m really glad you decided to do that case with me. I was starting to get really worried about you.”

“Thanks for looking out for me, Sarge,” Jake says, “You’ve been making me feel safe and comfortable this whole week.”

“It’s no problem! You were there for me when I needed someone with the whole going out in the field, so it really isn’t a big deal,” Terry says, a wide smile displayed in his face. “I get it though, man, a tough few weeks but I’m really proud of you for taking time off.”

“These past month has been really tough for me but being around you these past few days has really made me feel a lot better.”

Terry shifts in his position, “If you don’t mind me asking, what was going on this past month?”

Jake sighs before answering, “The night I went out with Jimmy Brogan, he sexually assaulted me. And I didn’t report him because it made me feel weak and he threatened to say bad things about the precinct.”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry that I didn’t realize sooner, Jake.”

“It’s fine, I made it hard for people to comfort me but I’m trying to get better.”

Terry offers Jake a smile, “I’m proud of you for trying.”

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

When The Vulture smacked Jake on the ass, everything around Jake froze. He couldn’t think of anything else, flashbacks to the night with Brogan went through his head and he felt like he was going to throw up. Why didn’t he have more strength? Why did he have to feel so weak? Jake wants to rush out of there and to the bathroom but he just couldn’t make himself move, instead he decides to fall back onto his chair. Ignoring everyone’s eyes on him, Jake goes back to filling out his paperwork on the murder case Terry and him solved, hoping that everyone would go back to their own work. 

“Jake?” Terry’s voice makes him flinch, “Do you need to take a walk?”

Jake nods, knowing that the words wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He grabs his hoodie and makes a run for the elevator, not looking up even once. He remembers what Dr. Kim had told him,  _ talk to yourself, let yourself know that it was just a flashback, you’re safe. _ But was he actually safe right now? A random man could come up to him right now and touch him when he didn’t want to be. Jake takes a few shaky deep breaths and sits down on the bench, hands balled into fists. Nothing was going to make him feel better right now, so he feels the need to just man up and get over it. 

When Jake feels someone sit next to him, he moves further away because not even an innocent civilian who just needed to sit down. “Are you okay?” It was Charles, “What the Vulture did wasn’t very appropriate.” 

Jake nods and swallows, “Yeah, it sucked.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

_ When you don’t feel safe, or you don’t feel well, tell your friends, Jake.  _ Deciding to follow Dr. Kim’s suggestion Jake speaks up, “It reminded me of something bad that happened to me.”

“Oh? What was it?”

“A few months ago, Jimmy Brogan sexually assaulted me and I’ve been meaning to tell you but I didn’t want one of the closest friends to think any differently of me,” Jake explains. “When the Vulture smacked my ass, it felt like Jimmy Brogan all over again, I felt weak. And I know it may seem really weird for me to randomly be opening up about this but I’m nervous rambling and trying to take my therapist’s suggestions.”

“Oh my God, Jake, I’m so sorry,” Charles says, not really knowing what else to say, because what else was there to say? His best friend had been sexually assaulted by a horrible man, a man that was idolized and he didn’t know about it for months. 

Jake sighs and sits back on the bench, “I’ve been rejecting your Monday evening drinks because I have therapist appointments and Friday drinks as well because I’m trying to reconnect with my mom.”

Charles offers Jake a small smile, “I’m really proud of you, Jake. I know how hard it is for you to open up about things like these. And thank you for telling me.”

“Well, you’re my friend so you deserve to know,” Jake says. 

“Who else knows?”

“Basically the whole squad except Amy.”

“Why not, Amy?”

Jake shrugs, “I don’t think we’re those types of friends.”

Charles sighs but nods anyway.

  
  
  
  


That night, when the Vulture touched his butt again, Jake decided that he had enough. “I didn't like that,” Jake says, but it barely came out as a whisper. 

The Vulture stops walking and turns around, “What’d you say?”

“Please don’t smack me on my ass again, I don’t like it,” Jake says, louder and with more confidence. “It’s not appropriate at the workplace, or anywhere for that matter.”

“Okay, Twinkle Toes,” The Vulture scoffs. 

“I agree with Peralta, Detective Pembroke,” Captain Holt says, “No one wants to file or receive a sexual harassment complainent.” 

“Alright, my bad,” The Vulture says, putting his hands up, before grabbing the doorknob.

“A real apology, Detective.”

The Vulture turns around before looking Jake in the eyes, “I’m sorry.”

Jake sighs, “It’s okay,” before letting the older man leave the office. He turns to Captain Holt, “You didn’t need to make him apologize.”

“You deserve an apology,” Holt says before sitting back down, “And I am proud of you for standing up for yourself.”

Jake nervously crosses his arms and looks down at the floor, “Thanks, Captain, it means a lot to me.” 

//

As Jake sat on the Thanksgiving dinner table, it hit me. This was his family, his family that he got to choose. Sure, his father may not have been there for him but he had Captain Holt and Sarge. Gina was always scared to show people the soft side of her but she never hesitated when it came to him. Charles is one of the most understanding and nicest people he’s ever met, he felt like he didn’t even deserve Charles. Amy… she’s just Amy. He never wants her to know what’s happened to him, it was selfish but he just couldn’t. 

He sighs before getting up with his glass, a soft smile on his face. This was home. These people were his home. His safety. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m sorry if you guys thought the ending was rushed because honestly i didn’t feel the same way but i do understand how others could feel that way. when i wrote this i really wanted it to be short but really the point and angst across. jake decides to open up and get help!! that’s was i really wanted to happen and it did and i know my fics aren’t gonna make a difference in anyone’s life but i felt proud of jake for opening up and really helping himself because no one can help you if you don’t help yourself!! 
> 
> anyways i was thinking of adding one a one shot of when jake does tell amy, was thinking of it the one shot being set place in the He Said, She Said episode. so let me know if you guys would like to see that!!

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you guys thought and if you would like more!


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